This
may be my last year at Rhodes. I guess that has made me quite nervous about
where my life is going. I’m no stranger to the occasional existential crisis
moment. (You know those moments in the Journalism department where you just want
to crawl into the foetal position and cry?) This feeling of uncertainty has,
ironically, given me some clarity when it comes to other parts of my life and
what I want from them.
I
may not know what I’m going to end up doing with my life, but I now know that
it has be intellectually stimulating. It has to be creative. And yes, it even
has to be challenging. I want to be challenged and I want to keep learning. I
want to learn how to live alone. To be alone and comfortable in my solitude. I
want to go to bed and feel comfortable with the empty space around me. I want
comfortable in the silence.
I
want to be with someone who is interesting and who will also challenge me to
think about things differently. I want someone who has their own life and who
will respect my life apart from them. I want someone independent. Overall just someone
who respects me. I’ve become complacent
with the people I’ve let into my life. I’ve been disrespected and misused. I’ve
not been clear about what I want. A few mistakes tend to lead you back on the
right path.
So
from this point forward, I hope to take more risks. Because knowing is better
than the uncertainty. I’ll order something new off the menu. I’ll go to that talk
on financial management. I’ll sign-up for that society I’ve always been
interested in. I’ll go out and not drink. I’ll go to that community outreach
project. Or that underwater club event.
I’ll
approach that person I’ve never considered before. I’ll have the conversation that
I have been avoiding. I’ll cook for my loved ones. I’ll give that certain
person a chance. I’ll let that certain person go. I’ll not be afraid to embarrass
myself.
I’ll
dare to disturb the universe.
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